What is Parental Alienation?

When the high-conflict parent’s own actions (abuse) cause the child to reject them, they often claim that the healthy parent is “alienating” them from the child.

Claims of “parental alienation” have infiltrated the already broken family court system and protective parents are losing their children due to these accusations. The reality is that the theory of parental alienation is rejected by every credible organization such as the American Psychological Association (APA), American Medical Association (AMA) and the World Health Organization (WHO) yet sadly, it is embraced by many family court systems largely due to lack of education on the topic.

History of Parental Alienation: Disgraced psychologist, Richard Gardner coined, “parental alienation syndrome" (PAS) based on his own observations. Known to be "pedophile friendly" and said to be biased against women, none of his work has been peer reviewed. Gardner’s theory is junk science, concocted by a man with ties to pedophilia who took his own life in 2003.

Gardner is known for quotes such as,

"Older children may be helped to appreciate that sexual encounters between an adult and a child are not universally considered to be reprehensible act. The child might be told about other societies in which such behavior was and is considered normal. The child might be helped to appreciate the wisdom of Shakespeare's Hamlet, who said, 'Nothing's either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.' In such discussions the child has to be helped to appreciate that we have in our society an exaggeratedly punitive and moralistic attitude about adult-child sexual encounters."

Present Day: There is a large group (and growing) of individuals who have repackaged Garner's theory of PAS and re-labeled it, "parental alienation" or, "alienation." While many do not follow Gardner’s “original version” of the syndrome, the repackaged variations are still used by abusers to take custody from healthy parents. Regardless of the name, it remains the go-tool weapon for abusive, high-conflict individuals who are utilizing the court system to hurt and control their ex-spouse or ex-partner.

There is a lot of money to be made from this disturbing movement. Attorneys unethically push alienation claims forward knowing it has no scientific basis or credibility. There are reports of therapists and other family court professionals who are financially incentivized to label children as "alienated." In extreme situations, children are removed from their safe parent and sent to reunification camps. These camps continue to be exposed by news organizations and investigative reporters however, they remain operational.

Quote by Darrel Riley, protective parent:

“Alienation is third party diagnosis, an idea that is antithetical to every reasonable medical practice. That is why it will never be accepted in medical or psychological practices. It is the equivalent of using hearsay as the basis of a legal case.

There is enough in the academy institutions that show parental alienation is nonsense that most people don't need to speak out against it anymore. The literature that is produced in academic institutions is clear, what is produced outside of the academic institutions are just sales pamphlets.”

Why Would a Child Reject a Parent?

• The narcissist is incapable of truly loving or bonding with a child and they see them as possessions. The child feels this at a core, on their own, but they are often unable to articulate it.

• The narcissist was never involved in the child’s life because (to them) parenting is selfless and tedious work. When the healthy parent files for divorce, the narcissist fights for custody to maintain control - not because they really want to be a parent.

• When you have a child who has suffered (or witnessed) varying levels of abuse or cruelty at the hands of the narcissist, the child knows that this parent is unsafe and untrustworthy. There is significant trauma but again, children often lack the ability to articulate their experiences.

For these reasons and many others, the child naturally recoils from the narcissistic parent and often rejects them. This is a healthy, defense and protection mechanism. In our everyday lives, we strive for our children to listen to their intuition and to protect themselves from harm. Unfortunately, when children in the family court system stand in their power, they risk being taken away from their safe parent. In the family court system, the expectation is to force children to override their own inner voice which was designed to protect them and, to encourage them to have a relationship with a toxic, abusive individual whose only objective is to weaponize the child in an effort to exert control.

Resources for those facing allegations of parental alienation:

• U.S. child custody outcomes in cases involving parental alienation and abuse allegations: what do the data show? by Joan. S. Meier

• Parental Alienation Syndrome and Parental Alienation: A Research Review by Joan S. Meier

• Mapping Gender: Shedding Empirical Light on Family Courts’ Treatment of Cases Involving Abuse and Alienation* by Joan S. Meier

• Review of Research and Case Law on Parental Alienation: by Cascade

• Parental Alienation Empirical Analysis: Child’s Best Interest or Children’s Rights? by Linda C. Neilson

• Parental Alienation and Family Courts by Women’s Aid

• Under the Microscope: The Admissibility of Parental Alienation Syndrome by Kimberly J. Joyce

• The Danger of Parental Alienation in Family Court by ABC10

• Craig Childress Tries to Drag Attachment Theory Into the Parental Alienation Swamp by Jean Mercer